Outside Looking In

Do you remember when you were young, daydreaming about who you wanted to be when you grew up? I remember sitting in my 6th grade class staring out the window wondering what life had in store for me. I knew I wanted to be rich and famous, married to a Prince, traveling the world…with people following my story. I had some big dreams, huh?
Screen Shot 2018-03-16 at 11.24.14 PMYes, I have travelled the world as I dreamed of in the 6th grade. I backpacked all over Europe. I have lived in far off places like Alaska and Puerto Rico. I experienced many cultures and climates. I will admit I am pretty darn lucky. But I still want to see more of it. The other night I sat and watched my twins while they were sleeping and I realized that somewhere along the line I took a different route than I expected too. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. I really can’t remember how and when my road changed course. Maybe it had something to do with my crazy childhood, or the fact that I always had to do things the hard way rather than listening to my parents. (LOL)  My dreams and goals changed with my actions and decisions. I guess this happens to all of us? Sometimes it’s a surprise. Sometimes it’s planned. Sometimes it just happens. Most just throw out the most basic quote ever “Life, it just happens”. I guess that’s how I the cookie crumbles….am I riiiight? I’ve always kept my life pretty interesting but in the past two years I have beat everything that lead up to my present. I took a little detour that created two amazing little creatures. I will never be able to explain how much this has changed my life, choices, dreams and so on. But becoming a mom has changed everything including realizing that my parents weren’t always wrong. I would also like to believe that becoming a mom has made me more knowledgeable and mature but it’s also taught me to savor the little moments in life.
In the eyes of my 6th grade school friends I have become that woman that I dreamed of being. For some reason they look up to me (world traveler, mother, advisor, whatever). I am not sure that this is entirely a good thing? And for me this is a hard pill to swallow as I am still learning every day. I have realized I don’t have all the answers. I personally don’t think I have any correct answers just experiences. Besides, does anyone ever have the all rights answers? …I’m rambling.
I continually get calls and texts from my friends asking for relationship advice or simply just be a confidant for them. I guess they think of me as a wise old woman now. And while I love being there for my friends I have discovered that the answers I give are the answers they don’t want to hear. I guess no one likes to hear the truth including me. It’s easy to give advice. It’s not easy to follow it. So now when my friends call, I seem to just listen. I seem to have my fathers voice ringing in my ear constantly lately…”Talk less and listen more”. The more and more I listen to my friends the more I realize that no one has all the answers. We all are just doing the best we can. Some days are just better than others.
I am currently working nights at a bar and days at this amazing horse stables training thoroughbreds. I also transcribe books, design websites and market businesses at nights and in my free time. I literally work my tail off. I will admit I have the flexibility to still be a stay at home mommy and be with my kids most days but that doesnt make life any easier. I knew what I was signing up for was not going to be easy. I still daydream a lot. I still think about what it would be like to being rich and famous. I will not let those dreams die. They are just on hold. I now dream of travelling the world with the babies. I have always thought that people who travel the world view the world differently than others. They are more in tune with who they are and who they want to be. They are more alive and driven and I think this will be a good thing for the twins to learn early in life. I will admit I don’t know everything and I often contradict myself but to me, there’s nothing greater than a cultured life. This world is mine to explore and now with two more souls in tow. So in retrospect, I am rich and famous. I may not have the money I dreamed of but I do have two beautiful healthy children and an amazing family and i’m very famous to them. I may not be as famous as I thought I would be, but to two babies I am the best thing since sliced bread. I am also a world traveler and have seen more of this world than most people ever get to see in a lifetime. I’m so very lucky for that. (from sea to shining sea). But the most important question I get asked. >> The prince who I just haven’t found. I have gone out, been on dates, met some extremely sweet men…but i’m not in any rush. Yes it’s lonely being a single mom but I still have a few kinks to work out. I know this will come in due time when i’m fully ready to let my heart open up again. I am not looking for him right now but I know that perfect prince charming is out there somewhere and that dream too will come true too.

As you know, the journeys we choose are our own. The choices we make are our own. I have realized life has a plan for us all and know matter how we want it, the outcome is inevitable. The key is to follow your dreams, even if they are just day dreams. Listen more, talk less and never stop dreaming because that’s what is going to bring you success.


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