A Parent, But Still A Child

162949_1638425091924_3467178_nI recently had a conversation with my father about how I’ve disappointed him growing up. He stated that no, I’m not a disappointment, but my actions and decisions have been disappointing. Yes, crashing a car probably isn’t something to be proud of nor is sneaking out to parties at 15. I was a troublemaker and I know that. I didn’t live up to the dreams my family had for me as I’ll probably feel the same way about my own kids one day. Though I truly hope not. Having expectations are good, but having expectations on who your children should be is just going to be a let down. We all have so many expectations, we forget not everyone is cut out to be the person you want them to be. Most people look at me and say, “wow I can’t believe you’ve experienced all this and you are only 22 years old!” While your family will be rolling their eyes like…”You havent even started yet!“. They will always continue to push you and that’s what creates successful people. When we have people who believe in us we tend to strive to even further than we would without it. I went on to explain to my father that every path you take leads you to a new future and a different you. If there was a three way stop where, if I turned left… I studied harder and in turn had an exceptional GPA or, I could go right, where I slacked off in school and partied more, which in turn, furthered my communication skills…which one would you choose? I believe we were brought in this world with our own personalities because it gives us an opportunity to be different. Different is good! It’s what creates the computer you are on or the house you are living in. Different is how you define the person you are. My daughter for instance, she was born vibrant, all she wants to do is discover and laugh. My son however is and analyzes. He’s a lover. He wants to express how much he loves you through touch and eye contact. We make our decisions based off of how well we know ourselves. I always knew I wasn’t going to be okay with black and white. I knew that I wasn’t going to be a studier or a jock. I wanted to be someone who taught others how great it is to live and take risks and enjoy a life that doesn’t involve planning. (That may, or may not, be the minimalist in me talking) lol. I needed something that kept my interest and sparked my imagination. No, I may not be a doctor or a lawyer but I’m a single mother and a college student. That’s something to be proud of. I don’t look at the negative things that brought me to where I am today because in reality… They are all positive! I’m the person I am today because of my past and that was pre-planned for me. My favorite quote is “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” and it’s true. I’ve been tested and tried and I’ve prevailed because he has bigger and better things coming my way… He’s just preparing me for it. I know this blog is about my story and how I cope with it all and I feel like this blog post is a great way of showing that because these are my thoughts spiraling through my head daily. I don’t care about disappointment or judgment. There’s a lot of that everywhere. What I care about is success and being the best possible version of me, while finding my true purpose.

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