Tough Cookies

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Going out with my kids is something to prepare for.

I’m constantly being told the father of my kids will come around, he just has a lot to process with becoming a father. I’m asked if these are “His kids” and that they look just like him and we are sooooo lucky. Being a single mom in a small town isn’t easy, especially when the father and I are well known. This past year and a half has brought rollercoaster of challenges and the biggest lesson i’ve learned is how to bite my tongue and let people talk. I’ve been told i put myself in the position of getting pregnant so crunching dollars and having no free time is what i deserve. I’m told I need to stop pitying myself and suck it up from people who should be lifting me up because i’m struggling and that’s disappointing. I’m told I need to be okay with the father not wanting to be apart of their lives because he will want to be apart of their lives at some point and i’m gypping my kids of that. Being a single mom is isolating. At times it gets so lonely and quiet… you just want to scream to hear your own voice. Motherhood is a transitioning stage and  I’m at a stage most of my friends aren’t yet, so advice and experience is very limited. I’ve come to realize when it comes to these situations, the opinions of others are nice to hear but no one is going to think about your family’s wellbeing the way you will. When it comes to dealing with my issues and emotions, I have tried keeping it bottled up and dealing with it silently but that has only lead to more anger and resentment. LET ME JUST SAY, my life is perfect and i wouldn’t trade it for the world. Nothing good comes without consequences, i’m writing this because I know i’m not the only mother feeling this way.  When it comes to the father, I feel like having him around would be a waste of my time and a headache for my children now. People like to say he needs time but what about women who get pregnant? We don’t get time…We have a changed life forever and we don’t get that choice of running away. Pregnancy is a wonderful, scary, new experience and I feel bad for the women who give it up to fear. If the father knows he has kids and still chooses to not be apart of their lives, or even ask about them, am I wrong for keeping my kids from that? Blood is thicker than water and family comes first. As a mom I want my children to know right from wrong and have people in their lives who want to support them regardless. Being asked if “these kids are his” is such a degrading thing to say to a single mom…like “Yes, he’s the bio dad but he’s not their father”. If they were his, he’d be in their lives watching them grow and supporting them. I feel like women’s rights are a hard topic nowadays because most don’t have to deal with the stigma of a man’s world and with that comes a lot of misunderstanding. Men can get a girl pregnant and have no responsibility to the child as long as they pay minimum child support. Which then allows them to walk in and out of there lives teaching their children it’s okay to be that type of father. If you look at statistics on births for single moms the number is increasing every year and we wonder why. We are teaching our generations that it’s okay to show minimum interest and throw money around to keep a smiling face. That’s not how it works. A parent is someone who chooses to love their children regardless of what they have going on in their life. A parent sacrifices their dreams to pass them onto their children. People like to blame girls for getting pregnant but why not blame guys? They don’t have any responsibility other than creating a child. A woman has to carry that child for 9 months, then give labor, and then raise them while men get to run around and play as if nothing has even happened. Now, i’m not saying all men are like this…There is a lot of good in the world, i’m just choosing to speak of these issues at the moment. Life isn’t fair and i understand that but if we can have multi gender bathrooms, then why can’t we have a better understanding for single homed families. I am so grateful and blessed that I get to wake up and fall asleep to my twins everyday and i’m even more grateful that my kids have someone like me who will forever be selfless for them. When you look at all of the fun everyones having and you can barely afford to go by groceries it’s overwhelming. When the father of your kids tells you he’s not ready to be a dad because he still wants to travel the world. Then proceeds to say that he wants to be a dad when they are older…To me that’s not okay, that’s hurtful. That’s hurtful to my twins who weren’t picked over partying, sleeping around, and traveling. It’s disrespectful to me for laying everything on the line to play both roles because of it. I’m tired of hearing a father that isn’t in a child’s life is a good person because they aren’t. They chose to be selfish instead of selfless. To anyone who says to wait for that coward, I feel bad for you because you aren’t valuing yourself. In the end, It’s not us that have to live with the decisions of others. Single moms are to be feared. They’ve dealt with hell and still can manage to raise a family, balance a checkbook and have a career. This past year and a half is pushing me, showing me, this can be done alone and it’s shown me to stand up for myself because most people would prefer to hid instead. Being a single mom is one of the hardest things anyone can do because not only are they being gypped of their time with their kids because they have to provide but they are also being gypped of respect. So, to conclude…I think life is pretty great. I think I have it made. I think my kids have it made. As long as their their lights won’t dim, mine won’t either. ​

 

 

 

 

 

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